Sometimes people have to face tough situations and painful dilemmas that are difficult to resolve. All paths of life seem attractive and unattractive simultaneously and leaves one in a trance. Morals, ethics and intelligence play an important role in making good decisions during these not so pleasant times.
My senior and friend, Sam, had to fight a battle between his dreams and his moral obligations.
Since his childhood, Sam had been a diligent student and everyone had great hopes from him. He saw himself doing something radically different and substantial in his life. He always dreamt of making it big and bringing a difference to the society.
In his family, generations had been carrying on their ancestral business and it had become a custom for the son to follow the same. His parents also wanted him to join the business upon graduation. However, Sam wanted to do something unconventional. After completing his graduation in Aeronautical Engineering, Sam received an offer from the technical giant, NASA with an extraordinary project and exorbitant pay for staying in the US and working with them.For him it was like a dream come true.
Sam wanted his parents to accompany him. The turning point came when his parents refused to leave their ancestral house to live abroad with him. They felt an emotional attachment with the house and it was not feasible for them to leave it in the last years of their life.They argued that if they had been able to have a good living with their successful business, so could Sam. Sam tried to explain to them about his dreams and how he wanted to make a difference. They warned him that life wouldn't be easy abroad and if he tried he could bring about a difference to the society with the ancestral business as well. They felt his decision was not pragmatic.
This sad reality dawned upon Sam. On one hand were his own dreams and on the other were his parents desires. He questioned himself whether it was right to give up his parents' wishes just to realise his own dreams? Were his selfish interests larger than his obligation towards them? Sam was also doubtful that he would be able to make a significant contribution to the society. At the same time he felt that he had worked hard all his life to achieve this position and he wondered if it would be wise to give up his passion and dreams altogether.
Sam was in a difficult dilemma indeed. His decision would not only affect his own life, but the life of the people around him. What do you think should Sam choose in this battle of dreams and obligations?
Edited: September 16, 2012
Hi Aditi,
ReplyDeleteOf course, Sam should choose his dream. If his dream were something risky, I would suggest him to follow his parents' desire which is secure. But, in such a case, he has got a stable job at Nasa.
His parents are not wrong either. They want him to be safe and secure. However, they should understand that they cannot protect their children forever.
In my opinion, his parents should let Sam try working at NASA and if he cannot cope with overseas life, he can still come back to his own house to do the family business.
I spotted one grammatical error in paragraph 1 :)
Delete"All paths of life seem attractive and unattractive simustaneously and leaves one in a trance"
leaves -> leave
Thank you Ramon for your reply and suggestion. Surely, Sam can consider choosing his dream. The conflict is there because his parents want him to stay closer to home to carry on the family business. In case he leaves nobody will be there to take care of it. Moreover his parents are also aging and Sam wants to stay closer to them. This comes in between his dreams.
DeleteSo if i understand your response correctly you want the parents to end the conflict obliging by Sam's decision. If they still don't agree and he leaves he will make them unhappy and if he stays back he will be unhappy! This was the premise of my conflict.
Anyways, thanks a lot for your comments!
If Sam can cope with NASA, their parents will not be unhappy. No parents feel unhappy about their children's success!
DeleteI am going to exchange my story, which is a bit similar to Sam. At first, my parents do not want me to come to Singapore as they were worried whether I can live alone or not as I used to stay with my mother who is very unhappy about it. However, after staying here for some time, they feel more relieved and stop being unhappy.
Finally, tell Sam that "After a storm comes a calm."
Hi Aditi,
ReplyDeleteA very well written post, and definitely an emotional one. At the end, it all boils down to only one thing - compromise. The question is probably not about who should be making the compromise, but whether someone will be ready to make it. I do not know what is the "right" thing to do in this situation, but if I were in Sam's position, I would recall back how much sacrifice my parents have done for me to reach where I am today. I am not saying that I owe my life to them, but they are definitely one of the reasons for my success. I can understand that at an old age, it would be hard for Sam's parents to go through a drastic cultural change in a new country, but Sam could ask them to give it a try for maybe, 6 months. If they did not adjust to the new place within this time frame, then Sam and his parents could go back to their home country. Do you think Sam can convince his parents to try this?
Hello Nirav,
DeleteThank you for your comments and feedback. I really appreciate it. I completely agree with you that it is very difficult to decide what is right choice to make in this situation. I think considering the seriousness of the situation and for Sam's sake, his parents might accompany him for a few months but the family business still needs to be take care of. Probably if they can ask some relative to taken care of the business this is possible. But in this case parents make the compromise and may be Sam would not want to force his parents into this. He might reconsider his choice.
Thanks again for your comments. I think Sam's Emotional Intelligence will play an important role in taking such difficult decisions. At the end of the day, it will be Sam's personality and priorities that will matter.
Aditi
For me, as a western girl, it is obvious that Sam should choose his own dreams in front of his parents. I grew up with my parents telling me that I can do whatever I want in my life. If I want to move to Africa and live in a village, they would support me, if they knew that I would be happy with it. But in another point of view, it's not obvious and I understand that. I guess that Sam has been raised in another way and the culture is to follow the family. The family should put themselves in his position and try to understand that he wouldn’t be happy, if he can’t follow his own dreams. If the family still wouldn’t let him go, I would go anyway. But that is in my opinion as a western girl, who does exactly what I want.
ReplyDeleteThanks Johanna for your response. I completely agree with you that once obligations and expectations differ from culture to culture. You indeed provide an useful feedback. I understand that the same situation will not be a cause of dilemma for westerners and this is completely natural. I think what I can learn from your response is that not only people but different cultures have different outlook towards emotional intelligence and hence they behave differently in different situations. Thanks for pointing this. I also wanted to bring this up somewhere in between the lines.
DeleteCheers!
Aditi
Hey Aditi,
ReplyDeleteReally interesting dilemma and an excellent case of interpersonal conflict. I will have you know that other than the NASA job offer part, I can definitely relate to it on a personal level. My mother herself has a business that has been going on since I was born and at the rate at which things are going, it seems to me like she assumes that I will definitely be taking over her business. She talks about her retirement and how my brothers and I are in a good position to put our efforts together and bring the business to new heights. I constantly remind my mother not to make such assumptions and that it is selfish of her.
I am of the idea that "you have to do what you have to do" and in this case, it means Sam pursuing his dream that he has long worked hard for. As for the argument about him being the right person to take over the business, I feel that it is selfish of his parents to think that he is the only one that can do the job. Sure, Sam may be the best person for the job but most certainly is not the only one. The solution here I feel, as Nirav has brought up lies in compromise. An ideal situation would be to take up the job offer while still being a long-distance consultant at the family business. That way, the business can still tap on his expertise and knowledge despite him not being physically there.
As for the issue about his parents not having much longer to live and him moving to the USA meaning that he has less time to spend with them, I feel that he can always return from time to time especially since he will be earning huge amounts of money. His parents must be optimistic in their thinking that although he may not be there all the time, he holds them close to their heart every time. As an example, I suppose returning every 3 months and staying for 2 weeks and devoting all his care and attention to his parents during those 2 weeks would not be too bad a compromise.
Cheers,
Hakeem
Thank you Hakeem for the interesting response. Yes, I can see the dilemma also fits your situation quite well. I completely agree when you say "one has to follow one's dreams". Sam has worked very hard for this and giving it up would definitely not be wise on his part.
DeleteAs far as his parents' wishes are considered, I think it's not selfish of them to feel that way. No parent will ever want their child do be unhappy, it's just that they have certain dreams which they want their children to fulfill. They have given all their life and can do anything for their child's happiness. I believe Sam's parents are also thinking in his benefit, may be overlooking some aspects of his dreams and wishes. I think things can work out between close relationships because they are meant to be.
Thanks again for your response. Hope you can also solve your case and both you and your mom are happy. :)
Aditi
This is a compelling response to the assignment, Aditi. You a fine job providing context for the conflict, explaining the characters' motivations, and bringing Sam's dilemma into focus for the reader with one clear questions. You've also garnered lots of interesting feedback.
ReplyDeleteHere are a few more sentences to review:
1) They argued that if they had been able to have a good living with their successful business, so could Sam. Sam tried to explain them about his dreams and how he wanted to make a difference. They warned him that life won’t be ,,, >>>
They argued that if they had been able to have a good living with their successful business, so could Sam. Sam tried to explain TO them about his dreams and how he wanted to make a difference. They warned him that life WOULDN'T be....
2) Sam was also doubtful if he ... >>> Sam was also doubtful that he ...
3) At the same time he felt that he had worked hard all his life to achieve this position and if it would be wise to give up his passion and dreams altogether.
>>>
At the same time he felt that he had worked hard all his life to achieve this position and he wondered if it would be wise to give up his passion and dreams altogether.
4) Sam was in a difficult dilemma indeed, his decision would not only affect his own life, but the life of the people around him. >>>
Sam was in a difficult dilemma indeed. His decision would not only affect his own life, but the life of the people around him. (be careful with lengthy, "run on" sentences)
Thank you for the fine effort!
Thanks Brad for your reply. I indeed have got some useful response there. I appreciate the way my classmates have analyzed the complete situation and given feedback. Johanna has brought up an interesting idea that situations differ between cultures and people's EQ matters in the way they conduct themselves in such situations.
DeleteI have also made the suggested changes. Thank you for helping me out. I will be more careful next time.
Aditi